


The Very Secret Journals

by Fenris



Category: Watchmen - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Humor, Kink Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-13
Updated: 2010-11-13
Packaged: 2017-10-13 04:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/133088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fenris/pseuds/Fenris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Very Secret Journals of Rorschach and Nite Owl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nite Owl's Very Secret Journal

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt on the [WM Kinkmeme 5](http://spam-monster.livejournal.com/4155.html) requesting a Very Secret Diaries-style Rorschach journal entry.
> 
> Done, of course, in tribute to the original (and hilarious) [LOTR Very Secret Diaries](http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/) by Cassandra Claire.

**Day One:**

Went to make lunch. Only things left in fridge are a jar of cocktail onions and a dated carton of plain yogurt. Yum. Good thing I can afford to order out a lot. Maybe I should just install a second refrigerator.

 

 **Day Three:**

Woke up, came downstairs to make breakfast, fridge empty again. Does the man have a tapeworm? Where does he put it?

 

 **Day Four:**

Goddamnit, why does R. have to Hoover his way through every single container of food that I have in the fridge? It's like having a big hungry dog with opposable thumbs living in the house.

I'm going to start storing my lab specimens in there. Bon appetit, my friend.

 

 **Day Seven:**

Success, sort of. For once, found untouched takeout leftovers in the fridge. However, my lab specimens are gone. Again. For his sake, I hope he just pitched them but you never know.

Made lunch. Leftovers were delicious, tasted like victory.

 

 **Day Nine:**

The man knows how to pick a lock. So why, oh why, does he feel the need to kick my damn door in at least once a month? I'm putting that locksmith's kids through college.

Guess I don't need a coke habit. Rorschach is God's way of letting me know I have too much money.

 

 **Day Fifteen:**

Two doors in two weeks. Suspect that R. is toying with me at this point.

I should just go ahead and install that door security bar. A broken ankle might teach him a few manners.

 

 **Day Seventeen:**

Now he’s coming in through the windows. Is knocking on doors just considered immoral on his planet? I despair.

 

 **Day Twenty:**

Another Crimebusters poker night from the Twilight Zone.

Wow. So that’s what 27 years of repression looks like after eight cups of the Comedian’s fruit punch. Can’t believe Rorschach actually believed him when C. told him it was non-alcoholic.

Longest/best/weirdest trip home in Archie ever, no contest. Still can't walk straight. R. still out cold on the couch.

Can't wait to hear what he says when he wakes up. Have running bet with self as to what it’ll be---current odds calculated as follows:

  

  * Hypnotized by Moloch (9.95%)  

  

  * Alien mind control (10%)  

  

  * Flouride in water finally kicked in (30%)  

  

  * Claims total amnesia (50%)  

  

  * Actually admits that he's wanted this for years (0.05%)  

  



 

 **Day Twenty Six:**

Yep, went with the front runner, total amnesia. Damn.

Wonder how he’s going to explain the tattoo to himself.


	2. Rorschach's Very Secret Journal

**Day One:**

Felt slightly ill this morning. Must reconsider wisdom of stealing late night snacks from man who keeps owl pellets in refrigerator in unmarked chocolate pudding containers.

 

 **Day Three:**

Discovered Daniel also keeps partially dissected bird alimentary tracts refrigerated in Chinese takeout cartons. Unsanitary, to say the least.

 

 **Day Five:**

Today discovered that Daniel keeps specimens of regurgitated bird stomach contents in margarine containers in refrigerator. (Can birds even vomit? Must investigate further.) Suspect D. is toying with me at this point.

Kicked front door in on my way out, felt slightly better. Daniel still wasting money on cheap locks.

 

 **Day Twelve:**

Partner evidently closet sadist. Ankle not broken, but came close.

Good to see Daniel finally taking security seriously, though. Seems to have finally learned about quality door locks.

Time to start testing window security.

 

 **Day Seventeen:**

Very Important Note to Self: Never drink anything Comedian gives you. Especially "virgin" fruit punch.

Woke up on Daniel’s couch wearing pair of Daniel’s boxer shorts. On head. Backwards.

Feel very relaxed. Not sure this is a good thing. Sore in unexpected places. Very sure this is not a good thing.

 

 **Day Eighteen:**

Still don’t know where my underwear went. Daniel looking awfully smug today, though.

Discovered one reason for soreness. Not as bad as feared, but bad enough. At some point in evening, evidently acquired owl tattoo on backside.

As feared, perversion runs rampant. Must investigate further.


End file.
